Death over Drafts: An Evening of Community, Conversation, and Connection in Hampton Roads

November 2nd, 2024 – Virginia Beach, VA

On Saturday, November 2nd, two local passionate women working and volunteering in Hampton Roads hospice care, Michelle Wickum and Sarah Krauser, held their 4th Death over Drafts gathering at New Realm Brewery in Virginia Beach. I was invited to join and potentially help facilitate, but none was needed, as the attendees were incredibly friendly, respectful, and open to engaging in both playful and challenging conversations prompted by the Death Deck.

Let's Start with Death over Drafts

Death over Drafts was founded by Stephanie Elkins and Jill Schock in California as a way to initiate meaningful, open, and safe communication about death, dying, and grief. It's a light-hearted, non-judgmental forum intended for those experiencing loss, recovering from loss, or simply curious about this socially taboo yet universally experienced subject.

The Death Deck

The Death Deck is one of several facilitating card decks considered a "party game," featuring 112 questions—some open-ended, others multiple-choice. Questions range from humorous scenarios, such as:

"How would you prefer your movie-themed tragic death?"

• A. Psycho stabbing
• B. Jaws
• C. Indiana Jones and your face melting off

to more serious inquiries like:

"Have you ever been present for someone's last breath?"

The deck helps facilitate conversations about death, providing opportunities to share uncommon knowledge or explore deep emotions, giving participants clarity about their experiences.

The Event Experience

Eleven individuals—mostly strangers, with some attending alongside a friend or spouse—gathered around an outdoor fire pit decorated in a festive Dia de los Muertos theme, complete with Halloween candy and Jeffrey, the skeleton mediator. Introductions revealed diverse backgrounds, from private investigators and ICU nurses to death doulas, hospice volunteers, and even curious passersby who joined spontaneously.

This gathering was promoted via Meetup and Facebook, aiming to expand community awareness and participation in future events.

A Night of Connection and Clarity

As we went around the circle, answering questions drawn from the deck, the responses spanned from laughter to tears, sparking further questions, supportive advice, comforting nods, and heartfelt hugs. Witnessing how eleven strangers became friends while openly discussing grief, loss, and mortality was profoundly moving. These conversations helped participants find community support and connection through an often challenging topic.

I couldn't be more proud of Michelle and Sarah for creating this safe, welcoming space, as well as each participant who bravely and honestly shared their experiences. They plan to hold Death over Drafts gatherings every other month for the foreseeable future—so stay tuned and consider joining!

Follow along and get involved on the Southside Death over Drafts Facebook page.

With warmth and appreciation,

Jessica Sadler
End-of-life Educator and Death Doula, Virginia Beach, VA
November 2024