Saturday, November 2nd, two local passionate women working and volunteering in local Hampton Roads hospice care, Michelle Wickum and Sarah Krauser, held their 4th Death over Drafts get together in the Hampton Roads at New Realm Brewery in Virginia Beach. https://newrealmbrewing.com . I was invited to join and potentially help facilitate but none was needed as the group of people who showed up were so friendly, respectful and open to some fun and also difficult topics provided by the Death Deck.
Let's start with Death over Drafts.
As the link above to the original page states, Death over Drafts was founded by Stephanie Elkins and Jill Schock in California as a way to initiate meaningful, open and safe communication about topics of death, dying and grief. A light hearted, non-judgemental forum for those going through a loss, recovering from a loss or maybe just interested and curious about this taboo subject that has become so socially unacceptable to discuss openly even when all of us experience it time and time again throughout our lives.
The Death Deck
This is one of many facilitating decks of cards that is considered a "party game". 112 questions, some open ended and some multiple choice.
Some in good fun like "How would you prefer your movie themed tragic death?" A. Psycho stabbing. B. Jaws or C. Indiana Jones and your face melting off.
Some a little more intense and serious like "Have you ever been present for someone's last breath?"
The deck helps open up conversations to information about death that may be uncommon knowledge or even bring up raw emotions, which was an absolute delight to witness people that may have gotten clarity with scenerios they have experienced.
Eleven individuals were present, mostly strangers and a few that brought a friend or spouse, sat outside around the fire pit decorated by these ladies in Dia de las Muertos style with holloween candy and Jeffrey, the skeleton mediator, to bring the whole package together. We briefy introduced ourselves rangeing from Private Investigator, and ICU RN's to death doulas, hospice volunteers and stragglers that wondered over and joined because, why not?! This group was published on meetup and facebook so hopefully more people will spread the word and grow in numbers. Everyone can use some connection with like minded souls.
As we went around and answered the questions we pulled from the deck it provided answers from laughs to tears and everything in between. Questions, advice, support, nodding heads and hugs at the end. The way 11 strangers came together as friends while talking about their grief and loss is one of the most beautiful things I can imagine. Bringing community support back to people perhaps searching for connection with a difficult topic.
I couldn't be more proud of these ladies for creating space for opening up discussion and to those seeking a place to partipate that joined strangers bravely and honestly. They have plans to hold a Death over Drafts get together every other month, for the forseeable future. Stay tuned and come join them.
The Southside Death over Drafts Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/groups/2474430002765744
Jessica Sadler, End of life Educator and Death Doula in Virginia Beach, VA
November 2024
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