With any luck all of us will die many, many years from now, comfortably and naturally in our sleep. That is the optimal outcome to the end of our lives. However, even if that happens, are we ready? Are all of our “affairs in order”?
Most of us haven’t thought about anything relative to our deaths (many, many years from now). Whether that is the case or perhaps accidents or fast progressing diagnoses, there are items we can take care of for ourselves far in advance to make our desires known. Most people just assume others will deal with the consequences of losing their loved one, but more often stress, anger, resentment, time and money come into the picture where very little information is left to Watson and Holmes to use detective skills that take up too many resources. Our lives need to be “closed out”, as sad as this may seem, it is a reality.
There are ways to consolidate this information and leave it to a trusted partner, lawyer or locked box at the bank with a key if necessary. Isn’t it better to have what YOU want planned out instead of those who knew you argue on what they “THINK” you wanted?
Let’s talk about some things that take a minimum of time to make it easier on others.
Wishes and Advanced Directives
In the Commonwealth of Virginia, as of January, 2024 the law allows adults who are capable of making informed choices of their own healthcare to legally fill out an Advanced Directive form also sometimes known as “5 Wishes”. This informs caretakers, nursing facility, hospice, power of attorney and physician of healthcare wishes that may need to be decided while a person is incapacitated. The form needs to be signed and witnessed by two witnesses. This can state whether you would like to be placed on a ventilator or other life saving measures, personal or spiritual requests, or if you would like to be an organ donor. It can also list who you would trust to make decisions on your behalf. Copies should be provided to your physician and those of your loved ones you trust.
Arrangements for Memorials, Funerals and Dispositions
When a family is dealing with the grief of a loved one's passing, whether it was sudden or expected, some of the most challenging decisions must be made in haste. Burial or Cremation? Final resting place? What flowers, songs or poetry will be provided? How would you like to be remembered?
Funeral homes have long had what is called a “PRE-NEED” arrangement where you can design and plan for yourself every detail and pay for the services up front or payment plans to ease the burden on your loved ones of making those choices and paying for them.
Today you have many more choices. There is Terramation (not legal in Virginia at this time, but easily enough available in other states) that is composting our bodies to dirt for gardens and outdoor use. There is aquamation where water breaks down our bodies and bones are turned to dust and can be spread accordingly. There are burials at sea, Veterans’ specific funerals and other special circumstances.
Memorials can be planned at the Hilton or at a favorite restaurant with your houseplants as parting gifts or you can make small books of your favorite poetry. Perhaps a replica of your favorite tattoo can be made into temporary tattoo stickers for the celebration of the life you shared with those you loved.
Living Funerals are also growing in popularity. Why wait until you are gone to celebrate your life while you are still feeling up to the moment. Invite everyone to share their memories with you and share in a gathering of love. Maybe hand out some of your prized possessions and hand me downs or photos of your youth in person with your beautiful smile while you can still embrace the person. Death Doulas are the preparers better used far in advance of death, to…prepare. They can help plan, organize and set aside so that more life can be lived without concern of getting everything done.
Wills and Trusts
Wills can provide clear simple instruction to loved ones on closing out your wishes after you pass away. This can include “Minor Guardianships”, provide clarity to asset distribution such as who pets or valuables are left to, settle disputes on possessions, and name a person to administer these wishes after death. You can include charitable donations. Wills are public information so asset assignments will be known.
Wills are subject to the probate process but also can lower the costs and time for the courts to process. Wills also do not protect your estate from creditors prior to your items being disbursed.
Trusts are a growing trend in end of life planning or estate planning that are more complex to arrange ideally through a lawyer who specializes in elder law or estate planning. Trusts can be set to take over while you are still alive and incapacitated to care for your needs at the end of life as well as after and this information can be kept private in the distributions. There are many advantages and disadvantages to setting up a trust for your financials and assets. Meeting with an experienced lawyer can help you decide if one might be beneficial.
Gathering Important Data
In the event of an emergency such as an accident or debilitating event, our loved ones, family or assigned caretakers may need information. A great idea to have is a binder located in
a secure location that your assigned person knows about. You can choose to include as much information as you would like, but I assure you that they will appreciate a well organized list of information that they can access easily. It is hard to be a caretaker to a dying loved one but the stressors of finding information can include many hours on hold, researching or more often than not, guesswork.
Ideas to address in an informational binder include:
Copies of any medical orders or DNR’s
Phone tree of those to call in an emergency or event
Preplanned funeral wishes or contact information
Account numbers /login and passwords to utilities
Life Insurance policies, lawyers involved in Trusts or Wills.
Pet information such as contact information to those who have agreed to care for them, feeding schedules and type of food, veterinarian information and medications.
Special items in home, ie: art, plants,
Commentaires