One scenario often overlooked in caregiving is how to manage care of an elderly parent or parents living alone at a distance, perhaps when we have moved out of state or even the country. People have become more transient and move great distances for jobs, temporary job placement, deployments, follow spouses or retire in other locations. How do we manage caring for or just physically checking in with a loved one that remains active and independent but wants to continue aging safely in place in their home? Mainly having someone non intrusively “keep an eye on” them to make sure they are safe and managing to take care of themselves and provide suggestions to available support or assistance to remain as independent as possible.
Questions to ask ourselves:
Has health deteriorated and are they seeing physicians for check ups and regular testing, medications and evaluations?
Has hearing, eyesight or mobility declined?
Has mental health or depression become an issue perhaps after a spouse has passed away or family is no longer near?
Are meals being made and healthy nutrition and hydration being managed? Are they able to still shop for and carry groceries and prepare meals?
Is house management still being taken care of? Bills being paid, HVAC being serviced, chimneys cleaned, litter boxes cleaned?
When we go about living our lives and get caught up in our daily activities, our kids’ lives and our jobs, we tend to trust that our parents are still active and independant and living their best retired lives without the responsibilities of their kids and jobs. Time tends to fly faster than we realize and before we know it a Christmas visit may have us seeing our parents more frail than we remember them the summer before, walking a little more slowly, eating a little less, forgetting a little more.
After my grandfather died, my grandmother would still return to Florida every winter on her own for years. We thought nothing of it, until she started being more confused on phone calls. A “vacation visit” to see her found her disoriented and unable to open the heavy door to the windy side of her Condo making it difficult to go to the store for food and to get her medications. We realized she was sleeping more and found every time she woke up, she thought it was time for her medications. A once very independant world traveler and woman who never stayed home a day in her life, now was all of a sudden homebound. We had no idea she had diminished so quickly. I think about this scenario often and it is the reason I find what I do so rewarding. A simple check in, maybe weekly, would have perhaps caught that she was “off” and taken steps to speak to a doctor about medications she changed or potential new health complications.
A Care Manager isn’t a physician but a “professional relative” that has experience in checking surroundings and getting to know a client in all the aspects of their lives that include social interactions, medical concerns and treatments, day to day routines, physical activity levels
and abilities, home life, and support systems. Often a very thorough, extensive meeting evaluating a client's history and current lifestyle and a “get to know you” interview provides a client’s “baseline”. A Care Manager can come in on any time frame agreed upon by client and or family, perhaps once or twice a week or check in once a month with availability to come by more if needed all dependent on the need of each client. It’s often more so seeing the changes from the normal routine that are cause for concern. Things to look out for:
Have they been keeping up with hygiene? Bathing, body care.
Have household chores been addressed? Laundry, kitchen cleanliness are there broken items, or plumbing leaks?
Are pets cared for? Available food and water, vet care, grooming?
Nutrition and health? Is healthy fresh food and water available? Are medications current? Do Drs appointments need to be made?
The goal is not to swoop in and change things dramatically and re-create a lifestyle, but get to know clients and find out what their needs and goals are, what concerns they have and then offer suggestions to not only make life easier as those we love age, but safer and to help aging individuals stay and age in place in the home they prefer as long as possible. Care managers can assist busy or far away families feel more confident that someone that knows their family member well, will be actively checking on and addressing issues and providing possible resources and solutions.
What no one wants is an invasion of privacy or feeling like they are being intruded upon. An agreed upon standard of care for each individual is critical. Checking in with clients and families regularly is part of the process but can always be adjusted to how and when and what is expected or even disliked.
You are all on the same team. Communication is key with all family and care giving. Not all families handle stress or decision making the same. First and foremost the loved one’s safety is priority, by also keeping their wishes and goals in mind. A consistent and regular review and discussion of how goals evolve over time as physical and mental capabilities change is also important.
Keeping an open line of non judgmental communication is key to be able to voice concerns and find possible solutions.
Regular checkin’s as a family are helpful even from a distance. A Care Manager can also assist with setting up zoom meetings on devices for seniors who may not be tech savvy and help initiate family meetings regarding discussion of wishes and care.
A Senior Care Manager is a trusted resource that gets to know a client as they are and follows along with them as they age to help assist in any way they can to keep the client safe, motivated, active and healthy. Over time, getting to know the intricacies of a client’s lifestyle habits and routines is important to see changing or diminished patterns that can be brought to clients attention and discussed openly, without judgment. Communication with family in instances of emergencies or concerns is important as long as it’s not impeding privacy and wishes or concerns of the client. Open discussion is helpful in all scenarios when it includes caring for family members.
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